Monday 30 April 2007

Virgin Twitcher

Daisy Turnip writes.....

And so the day arrived when we were to go twitching. I walked into the kitchen and heard Hubby say, ‘She’s up early because we are going bird watching today’. Yes, I saw his raised eyebrow and the smirk on Daughter’s face!!

We sorted out the day’s provisions, put on our fleeces, walking boots, grabbed a couple of pairs of binoculars and put our raincoats in the boot and set off down the M40 for our first virgin twitching trip to
Otmoor Nature Reserve .

On our way there I asked Hubby if he thought there was a twitcher etiquette we should know about. We assumed it would be a common sense approach of no mobiles and to be quiet at all times. Simple?

We arrived in the village of Otmoor and found the car park at the end of a single track road. As soon as we got out of the car all you could hear was peace perfect peace and the sound of singing birds – an entire orchestra of them by the sound of it, it was amazing just how many birds we could hear. It was a bit ‘nippy’ and it looked a little grey overhead so we also put on our waterproofs. Etiquette rule number one broken!! Bright red
Berghaus coats are obviously not the thing to wear when you are twitching! Well, yes, of course, it does seem obvious now, but first thing this morning, I really didn’t think about it. Everyone we saw at the reserve wore muted greens and browns! Throughout the entire day, we were the only people I saw wearing BRIGHT RED! And although everyone responded to our, ‘good morning’ and ‘afternoon’ greetings, they all seemed to be telepathically screaming, ‘WHAT’S WITH THE RED?’ It could have been our paranoia, but we sensed the feeling that the professional twitchers didn’t approve. (Mental note, wear camouflage paintball gear next time)

As we left the car part, for a split second I thought the BBC was filming for Nature Watch. People – and there were quite a few – were carrying around these huge tripods with ‘things’ on top of them. Hubby, AKA Encyclopaedia Britannica, informed me the kit is called a spotter scope – click
here if you want to see what they are. You have to admit, it does look a little like a microphone that they use when filming?!?! When we go walking, our rucksacks are a little cumbersome, but these tripods were HUGE and people were carrying them round the entire nature reserve! I felt a little pathetic when I compared them to our little hand sized binoculars.

Hubby has only very very mildly ridiculed me about wanting to go bird watching. I did wonder why he hadn’t issued full scale ‘p’ take on me. However, as we made our way round the reserve he pointed out the following - swan, tern, lapwing, mallard, teal, coot, moorhen, buzzard, kestrel, pheasant, mute swan, heron and grasshopper warbler. Do you think he’s possibly a closet twitcher, now finally unleashed because his wife wants to go watch birds? He informed me ‘NOT!’

The highlight of my day was the ‘battle of the buzzard’. The buzzard was looking for food and kept swooping down to the ground searching for nests and chicks. Then, out of nowhere several lapwings appeared and started to attack the buzzard – they looked like WW2 fighter planes battling in the sky. It was really amazing. I never thought another bird would try and attack a buzzard, even if it was to protect their chicks. On this occasion the lapwings won, the buzzard left without a catch.

The weird point of the day was being laughed at by teenagers!!! I guess they’d been dragged out for the day by their Mother and they didn’t look particularly keen on being there, but I was seriously impressed that a mother could get 3 teenagers out into a nature reserve!! We were walking up as they were walking back and knowing teenage daughters, I immediately spotted THAT look on each face as they glanced us up and down and checked out the binoculars we were both carrying. The hand went over each mouth as they started to talk about us. I see THAT look and FEEL that teenage aura every day! As we were passing each other, I saw their lips go taut and their eyes begin to bulge as they desperately tried not to laugh. As we passed, we then heard the tittering!

It did make us laugh, but I wasn’t quite sure what to think. Being laughed at when we go mountain walking - for having a plastic map cover ‘thingy’ hanging from my neck, rucksack and gaiters etc - I can happily deal with that and frequently think, ‘you have absolutely NO idea what you are missing’. But, on the twitching score, we hadn’t seen the buzzard yet so I had no ‘wow factor’ in order for me to make a mental retort to them. To be honest, I was still trying to work out for myself why were we there!

The most comical part of the day’s adventure was when we sat behind a viewing screen which was located at the head of a pond. It wasn’t majorly busy on the pond front, however there were quite a few birds having a swim around. And right in front of the screen was a swan, and for the next 20 minutes we sat and watched as it dived for food on the bottom of the pond. Etiquette rule number two – don’t laugh at the birds, especially if you’re wearing a bright red coat. Luckily, there were no other twitchers around, but it was very comical – 20 minutes of bottom watching, with the odd flip of his feet!

And so, the virgin twitching experience was over. We got back in the car, ready to drive home. As we pulled off, Hubby said, ‘You just made me walk 2.8 miles to look, in detail, at a swan’s backside!’

Wednesday 25 April 2007

What happened to the party girl?

Daisy Turnip writes.....

Tonight I sent an email to my dear old friend Tilley - not old as in she’s old – well not THAT old, but a friend who I’ve known for a very long time. In fact, she was a good friend of mine who I used to regularly go clubbing with on a Friday night – in fact, any night of the week, when we had nothing to do, had both the cash and the energy to show Wolverhampton night life what top and enthusiastic party goers we both were. Deary me, I could seriously party!

At the end of the email I wrote the following:-

“btw, we're off to the Oxford bird sanctuary at the weekend (although I've yet to tell David) as I’ve received 2 free tickets from my RSPB membership - f'ing hell (excuse my French), I sound like such an oldie!! Am going to go slap myself now coz I know I need to get a life ) what happened to Friday nights, the dance floor calling, head down and a bottle of bud in each hand?? :-)”

I need to share with you the fact that I have many photos of me with a bottle of bud in EACH hand, dancing away in oblivion of the outside world. I liked my little dance ‘bubble’ world that I used to frequent on a regular basis!!

I sent the email smirking to myself, thinking about our clubbing days (or nights as the case may be), and all the fun we had and then I suddenly thought OH MY GOD, what happened to party girl – she’s now a bird twitcher!!

Should I be worried?

Monday 23 April 2007

Never ask a man for directions

Daisy Turnip writes.....

The man at the BBC sent me this

1. go to
www.google.com
2. click on "maps"
3. click on "get directions"
4. type "New York" in the first box (the "from" box)
5. type "London" in the second box (the "to" box)
6. click on "get directions"
7. scroll down to step #23

I'd love to be eight again

Daisy Turnip writes.....

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. I'd love to be eight again" she replied. On the morning of her birthday he arose early, made her a nice big Bowl of Coco-Pops and then took her off to the local theme park. What a Day!
He put her on every ride in the park:

* The Death Slide
* The Wall of Fear
* The Screaming Monster Roller Coaster

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

Right away they journeyed to a McDonalds where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate milk-shake.

Then it was off to the movies: the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog, pop-corn, all the coke she could drink, her favourite lolly and M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed onto the bed exhausted. He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked "Well dear, what was it like being eight again?"

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed..."I meant my dress size, you idiot” The moral of this story: -

Even when a man IS listening, he's still gonna get it wrong.

Wednesday 18 April 2007

Pardon?

Daisy Turnip writes.....

On Monday morning Hubby woke up and was completely deaf in one ear. This obviously scared him a lot as he went to work and rang for an appointment once he got there! Yes, if it was me, I’d have been sitting on the doctor’s door step, waiting for them to open up for the day..

He got an appointment for later that day and went along to see the doctor. By this point, a little of his hearing had returned. He told the doctor what was wrong and gave him some terminology regarding the frequency and decibel range he was hearing. The terminology was very impressive but confused the hell out of me. The doctor must have been impressed too as he asked Hubby, “Oh, are you in medicine too?” “No” came Hubby’s reply, “engineering!”

The following day Hubby went back to work and as he walked into the office, one of his colleagues asked if he could hear today? Hubby’s reply was “Yes, I’m in the office most days this week!” Hmm, I think perhaps he should take the prescription given to him by the doc!

Monday 16 April 2007

Ting Tong Miracle

Daisy Turnip writes.....

Yay, miracles do happen.
The suit has just arrived! I’m very impressed with it too, although I’ve yet to see it on Hubby. Let’s just hope it fits!

I take it all back - he wasn't mad at all!

Sunday 15 April 2007

KFC’s a Killer!!

Daisy Turnip writes.....

At the weekend my daughter works at KFC. To be fair the money is not too bad for a 17 year old, especially as it tops up the allowance we give her on a monthly basis while she is studying at college.

Her hourly rate is higher than a good friend of mine earns, working in a very well known fashion high street chain shop – this fact delights my daughter, yet mortifies my friend who is 38 years old and has 3 kids!! But at least when she comes home at the end of the day, she doesn’t smell of chicken and fat!!

So the pain of being such a fashion victim drives my daughter to work at KFC – she goes through money like water, and knows we are not going to subsidise her weekly purchases of makeup, jewellery, hair extensions, several pairs of shoes, a few tops here and there and goodness knows how many jeans this child buys on a far too regular basis.

Her working is a great motivator for her to study hard. She sometimes complains her course is difficult, it’s not what she thought it was going to be and ‘I’m not sure I want to continue’ she frequently tells me. My standard response is, that’s fine, don’t do it if it’s not what you want to do, but you need to sort out an alternative course or a job with decent prospects. When she moans, I ask her if she wants to work at KFC on a full time basis – naff shifts, incredibly hot kitchens, long days, standing on your feet all day, smelling of fat etc etc. Her standard response is, ‘No thanks, it nearly kills me working there!’ Back to college tomorrow! : )

Saturday 14 April 2007

Oldtimers!

Daisy Turnip writes.....

On Wednesday I walked into the lounge and saw the answer phone light flashing away. The message was from my mother, asking me to give her a call. It was 2 hours after she’d left the original message and I called her - she couldn’t remember what she wanted.

Later on that day, I saw a missed call on my mobile from dear Hubby. I rang him and asked what he wanted. He couldn’t remember what he wanted!

I spoke to my Mom again yesterday, she still couldn’t remember what she wanted.

Hubby now doesn’t even remember calling me!

It’s really bothering me, what they wanted me for!! Moral of the story – make sure you carry all landline and mobile phones around with you AT ALL TIMES!!

I wish it had been the spider or the poo!

Daisy Turnip writes.....

Yesterday, I was driving along, daughter at my side who was chatting away incessantly. She suddenly stopped talking, grabbed my hair and shouted, ‘Oh my God mom!’ Her reaction told me I had either a spider or bird poo in my hair!

‘You’ve got grey hair!’

‘Would you like to walk home dear?"

Car Insurance - Trauma 2

Daisy Turnip writes.....

My car insurance renewal quote is £400.13. This quote is for fully comprehensive cover plus business use for both myself and hubby.

Knowing that my daughter would benefit greatly if she could have additional driving lessons to the 1 ½ hours a week she currently has with ‘Steve the professional driving instructor’ I asked what it would cost to include my 17 year old daughter who is a learner driver. I then began to panic a little, thinking, ‘if it’s not too expensive, I’m going to have to add her to the policy, but that would mean I have to take her out on a driving lesson!!’ Oh no, I had a flash back to the time my Dad was trying to teach me to drive - him holding on for dear life to the hand brake as I drove along oblivious to the dangers of the road. Dad would make me drive round ‘the block’ - about 1 ½ miles - and every time we got back to our house, he’d make me stop the car and he’d run in for a wee!!! Poor guy, but top Dad!

Anyway, the quote was £2334!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Trauma over!

Car Insurance - Trauma 1

Daisy Turnip writes.....

My car insurance is due for renewal and I needed to clarify a couple of things with my current policy. I rang the number and got put on to their call queuing system I started to wait. And wait. And wait, And wait. I carried on waiting and then started to trawl their website to see if I could find out the information from their online system. I couldn’t – it wasn’t available. Forty minutes I started to type an email to their customer services team, it read,

“I've now given up hoping that anyone will take my phone call at Fast UnFit. I tried to call you yesterday and finally opted for your ring back system, on the basis that the information provided by your system assured me that I would retain my place in the queue. I got a call approx 3 hours later, by this point I was no longer at home! Today, I have held for over forty minutes, listening to information about elks in Sweden and great nights out around the country - my fear is, that I'll still be holding on your queuing system and will not be able to make Wolverhampton’s Civic Hall – ever! I do not wish to sit holding for such a long period of time, I find this totally unacceptable and believe it is very very poor customer service indeed.

Apologies, rant over!

Is it possible that someone would please provide me with the following information……..”

And then the phone was answered by a member of staff, whom I vented my absolute anger and frustration at. She very professionally apologised and explained that Fast UnFit was well aware of the problem and that changes were imminent, new staff were being trained, their call centre would no longer be receiving as many calls and the matter should be resolved within the next week.

In my experience, good quality call centre staff, are very rarely found these days. When usually faced with non UK based call centre staff who are very difficult to understand and they have never heard of places like Wolverhampton, Milton Keynes or Warwickshire?! I’m a black country girl and most of the locals in Warwickshire find it difficult to understand me. You could write a comedy sketch about the numerous conversations I had with the non UK support line provided by BT Broadband – in the end, I was so incensed I gave up and moved my ISP to an alternative provider. Anyway, I digress back to Fast Unfit. After holding for over 30 minutes I had told myself that on principle I would be taking the renewal of my policy to another company. Due to the professionalism of this member of staff, I changed my mind, I will still be looking at alternative quotes, but Fast UnFit’s quote, will remain in my options of car insurance provider.

I’m worried now that the changes this member of staff was talking about means a non UK call centre? I do hope not, because I would simply hate having to move my car insurance in order to seek an all UK based call centres and staff!!

Monday 9 April 2007

Neighbours

Daisy Turnip writes.....

Our new neighbour came round for a quick G&T last night - arrived at 5pm left at 11’ish. One bbq plus a bottle of gin later - we know we’re going to get along just fine! : )

Bird Feed v’s Grass Seed

Daisy Turnip writes.....

Bird Feed v’s Grass Seed
Fat balls, peanuts, nyger seed, wild bird seed, sunflower seeds, bread, apples and pears. That is the daily variety of foods available to the birds in our garden – they are totally spoiled for choice.

So why oh why, are they happily munching on the grass seed that’s been scattered (and covered with sand and soil), in order for us to have a lovely, lush, green garden this summer!!!

Life’s just so unfair!!

Quality Viewing

Daisy Turnip writes.....

A few weeks back we had Sky TV installed because our village is officially a non Freeview area, it also turns out to be a non normal TV area because we had to install a double booster aerial to just about get a half decent picture. Not one aerial company would guarantee a half decent picture on a normal TV – don’t even go there re a digital picture – it’s terrible, deal with it and move on kind of thing

As much as we didn’t want to go there, we’ve had Sky TV installed – secretly, I did smile when the dish and box was installed though – all those makeover programmes 24/7!

We now have verging on 3001 channels all for a bargain price of £15 a month!!!!!!!! Brilliant! So why do we find ourselves still having to watch DVDs most nights, because there’s nothing worth watching on the new system!!!!!! Hmmmmm

Friday 6 April 2007

Spaghetti Bolo-No-Herbs

Daisy Turnip writes.....

After a hard day grafting in the garden, re-potting a load of plants and potting and planting some new ones, dearest Hubby offered to cook dinner tonight – spaghetti bolognaise. Yummy, food always tastes better when it’s been cooked by someone else.

I sat at the table and a plate of gorgeous looking spag bol was placed in front of me. ‘Hmmmm, lovely’ I said and tucked in with vigour. This was shortly followed by, ‘Did you forget to put the oregano in?’ ‘Bugger,’ came Hubby’s reply, ‘looks like it’ – we still devoured it all. Very nice is spaghetti bolo-no-herbs!!

Thursday 5 April 2007

Peeing in the Garden is Good!!

Daisy Turnip writes.....

We are quite ‘green’ in our house and recycle most things although we don’t compost garden and food waste. We’ve talked about getting a composter for a good couple of years and at the beginning of this week I ordered a compost bin. This week I decided that we need to move up the recycling scale!

A work colleague, come good family friend has composted for years and totally swears by it. The same person has recently been in hospital for a considerable operation and for the last week I’ve told myself daily, ‘I must remember to ring composter, colleague, come good family friend to see how he is’.

Anyway, tonight, sitting talking to Hubby, I remembered to tell him I’d ordered the compost bin and that it would be arriving within the next couple of days. He smiled with glee and said, ‘Oh, so you can now unleash me to pee in the garden!’

This comment then reminded me to ring composter, colleague, come good family friend to see how he is – he’s a big componster and swears by regularly peeing in his compost bin – it provides quick and fantastic compost!! No, not literally, he does it in a container and takes it out and pours it over the waste EVENLY. Apparently, read the books and go on tinternet, they all say it’s true and it provides fantastic compost for the garden!

I dialled the number and he answered the phone, ‘Hi, it’s me, we were just talking about peeing in the garden and it reminded me I needed to call to see how you are!!!’

Kangaroo Juice

Daisy Turnip writes.....

Daughter has just set off on her driving lesson.

If I don’t watch her pull off, ‘I don’t care’ and if I do watch her pull off, ‘I make her nervous’!? As a parent of a teenage daughter, once you’ve accepted that fact that whatever you do is wrong, you’ve then got your baseline!

Anyway, I watched - and she showed me the technical kangaroo skills she’s developed over the last couple of months!!

Tuesday 3 April 2007

Mr Ting Tong Update

Daisy Turnip writes.....

You may be pleased to know,
the shirts arrived today!

Still waiting for the suit though!

Will keep avid readers informed as and when!

Know Your Geography

Daisy Turnip writes.....


First thing this morning Hubby was chuntering on about having to go to Marlow tomorrow. ‘Where’s Marlow?’ I asked. ‘Essex’ came his reply, coupled with a look of ‘you surely know where Marlow is?’ ‘Oh yeah, you mean Harlow!’

A meek ‘Yes, Harlow’ came his response!

Monday 2 April 2007

Bit of a Twitcher

Daisy Turnip writes.....

I have 10 bird feeders in my garden and spend a small fortune each month feeding the variety of birds that come into our garden. Yesterday, I went to buy my monthly stock of seeds and fat balls and returned home with a bird bath too. Hubby’s eyes looked to the sky and he then shook his head in disbelief. I smiled with glee and myself and favourite nephew assembled the hanging bath and hung it from one of the trees. It looks fab and I’m sure the local birds will soon take the plunge in their shiny new bath.

As you may know I’m currently on secondment and based from home for the duration of the contract. A couple of weeks ago, I had a meeting at home with someone I know well from my substantive post – we’ll call him TW (for all you safety freaks out there, don’t worry, I don’t do home meetings with people I don’t know well). Anyway, we were sitting at the kitchen table having a meeting about progress and actions plans etc and TW kept looking out of the kitchen window. In the end he jumped up and said, ‘I’m really sorry Michelle, but do you have sparrows in your garden?’ ‘Oh, yes, lots of them’ I said. For the next 20 mins we both leant on the work surface staring out of the kitchen window looking into the garden and the various birds that were stuffing their beaks on their feed. TW doesn’t have sparrows in his garden, and ‘only gets’ great spotted woodpeckers etc (I was very green when he shared this with me).

An hour or so later he left with a spare bird feeder and a bag of seeds!

He too is a bit of a twitcher, and like me, only ‘does it’ in the confines of his own garden. Today I am ready to come out of my bird box – I am a mini twitcher!! In fact to celebrate in true style I today became a member of the RSPB!

Sunday 1 April 2007

Technophobe Parent and i-Pod

Daisy Turnip writes.....

My Dad is a complete techno phobe! I’m serious, he can only just about work the remote control!!

My parents came to stay with us this weekend after recently returning from a 3 month trip to Spain (remember ‘The Balcony Blogs?’). Dad and Hubby must have missed each other immensely, as they celebrated by consuming numerous bottles of Rioja (ok, so I helped a little). And then, for some reason, Hubby’s i-pod appeared on the scene. We never saw Dad for the rest of the evening – well, to be fair we HEARD him – big time, as his gaily sung away to a number of the 22,000 songs and videos Hubby has stored on that little silver box!

I do have recorded footage of his ‘jamming session’ but unfortunately I promised both Hubby and Mother that they will remain sacrosanct in the walls of the home PC – party poopers!!

Jeremy Kyle’s Abuse of Teenagers! How Dare He!

Daisy Turnip writes.....

Daughter didn’t go to college on Thursday. She had a bad cold and a very very sore throat. I knew she was ill because she came home at 8.30 on Wednesday night and went straight to bed - this never happens. Teenagers do tend to take the attitude of you can sleep when you die – my Daughter lives to this motto with an absolute passion (unless it’s in the morning and she can’t prise herself out of bed!!).

She woke up on Thursday morning, walked into my office (ie spare room) and croaked, ‘I really can’t go to college today, I feel so ill’ and put that, ‘I’m really ill, please sympathise with me’ look on her face.

I sympathised and told her not to worry and go back to bed. No, I am NOT a push over mother. I was a single, full time working mom for years. The child of a full time working, single mother has to be bleeding from the eyes, in order to wangle a day off school. Full time working moms usually have to adopt the attitude of ‘if your child is THAT ill, you’ll get a call from the school to come and collect them’ – that’s easier for your employer to handle! Don’t even go there about the guilt trips we all have to go through!

Daughter went downstairs with her fleecy blanket and lay on the sofa to flick through the 101 Sky channels of absolute day time TV crap. I continued to work.

About an hour later, Daughter came upstairs sobbing. And I mean, seriously sobbing. I knew something was drastically wrong because she came and gave me a hug! ‘What on earth is that matter?’ I said, thinking she must have been in incredible pain with her throat. ‘It’s, it’s, boo hoo, it’s, it’s, aaagggghhh, oh mom, it’s the Jeremy Kyle show.’ I’ve moved from absolute terror to absolute disbelief!! Jeremy Kyle could distress my daughter so much? I know it’s naff TV, but all you have to do is hit the up and down channel key. ‘No’ she said, ‘it’s about people who have lost loved ones and can’t move on with their lives’. I think, for the first time as a parent, I was absolutely baffled as to what to say. I did feel the urge to say, ‘Well, just remember to be nice to all family members instead of your hormonal outbursts’ but I was good, and just stroked her arm and said, ‘awww, don’t be silly’ (well what else can you say?).

She then proceeded to go into her bedroom (fleecy blanket in tow) and switch on her TV. I asked her what she was doing, ‘watching the rest of Jeremy Kyle’ came her response between the sobs!!

Male V's Female Drivers

Daisy Turnip writes.....

Until very recently Hubby was an automotive engineer, working on incredibly fast and incredibly expensive cars. In order to test ‘things’ on such cars frequently meant driving at speeds of 150 – 200 miles an hour, around various test tracks across Europe.

Before engineers are allowed to do such high speed testing, they must pass an advanced power car driving proficiency test (not the kind you can do with BSM). Hubby is therefore very proud of the fact that he’s accredited and has passed such grueling tests (he actually got stopped by the police when having his final test on one of the Surrey A roads – and still passed!!).

Whenever we go anywhere (unless it’s coming back from the pub) Hubby always drives the car!

We went into town yesterday and spotted a super parking space. Hubby reversed in, pulled out, reversed back in, pulled back out and this continued for a couple of minutes. Finally, he put on the handbrake, opened the car door and said, ‘You do it’. 30 seconds later, I smugly got out the car after parking it in one single smooth maneuver!