Daisy Turnip writes.....
Myself and 2 colleagues were in a meeting, faced with 6 fairly hostile managers. We were trying to convince them to sign up to our project and they were having none of it!
One guy, AKA Doubting Thomas, was seriously giving us a hard time and while he was doing so, I happened to glance over his shoulder, and look out of the window. There, behind Mr Thomas, were 2 pigeons mating on the window ledge!!!
Thursday 29 March 2007
Tuesday 27 March 2007
Keeping Up With The Jones's
Daisy Turnip writes.....
For the last few weeks I’ve been asking hubby whether or not we can cut the lawn. He keeps informing me it’s still too wet to cut. And then last week our neighbour got the mower out to do his ‘first cut’. His side of the road must be drier than ours! Funny that!
Anyway, at the time, Hubby and I were sat at the kitchen table reading the Sunday papers when I heard the mower set off on its first trip around their garden. ‘Hmmm,’ I said, ‘pressure’s on dear hubby – you’re on borrowed time, the garden can now be mowed’. ‘Okay dear’ came his response.
Two weeks later, it’s still not cut!
Tonight, neighbour was out on his drive potting up some plants and painting his fence. Hubby pulled up, slammed the door of his car and ran over to said neighbour and said, ‘For God’s sake man, get back in the house, she’s going to make me do something if you carry on like this!’
What’s the weather forecast for this weekend?
For the last few weeks I’ve been asking hubby whether or not we can cut the lawn. He keeps informing me it’s still too wet to cut. And then last week our neighbour got the mower out to do his ‘first cut’. His side of the road must be drier than ours! Funny that!
Anyway, at the time, Hubby and I were sat at the kitchen table reading the Sunday papers when I heard the mower set off on its first trip around their garden. ‘Hmmm,’ I said, ‘pressure’s on dear hubby – you’re on borrowed time, the garden can now be mowed’. ‘Okay dear’ came his response.
Two weeks later, it’s still not cut!
Tonight, neighbour was out on his drive potting up some plants and painting his fence. Hubby pulled up, slammed the door of his car and ran over to said neighbour and said, ‘For God’s sake man, get back in the house, she’s going to make me do something if you carry on like this!’
What’s the weather forecast for this weekend?
Sunday 25 March 2007
Seagull Cannibalism
Whilst eating our sandwiches at the top of a mountain, a seagull appeared and became very interested in what we were eating. It must have been really hungry because he came within about 3ft of us.Mountain Men, ie David and John, started throwing her (they informed us it was a she, because it had red markings under her beak and this is where the chicks tap to make her regurgitate her food in order to feed them!! Very nice hearing this, when you’re part way through your sandwich) food.
Sally, by now she’s been named, liked the following:-
- Bread
- Cheese
- Hot and spicy pepperoni sticks!!! Ouch, they are very very hot
- Walkers chicken crisps (isn’t that some form of cannibalism?)
But, she doesn’t like M&Ms – of any colour!!!
Psychic Mechanical Knowledge
After leaving the car park, we were walking along the road in search of the start of the public footpath. We noticed a car in the lay by with a couple peering under the bonnet. When we were about 6 ft away they shouted, ‘Do you know anything about cars?’ - they said nothing else, I promise, no other words came out of their mouths. Twirl shouted back, ‘Is it your carburettor?’
She does occasionally dye her hair blonde!
Addendum
Twirl's sent me a text, 'Chell I said alternator not carb'. Hmmm
She does occasionally dye her hair blonde!
Addendum
Twirl's sent me a text, 'Chell I said alternator not carb'. Hmmm
Twirl’s a Springer
We went walking in North Wales yesterday. The day was glorious - fantastic blue skies, the sun was shining and there a lovely chilly breeze to keep us cool – we’re not as fit as we used to be and therefore tend to get a little hot and sweaty on the way up to the 3000ft mountain trig point.
Myself, Hubby, Hubby’s best mate John and his wife Twirl (AKA Shirley) set off from the car park on the outskirts of Llanberis, laden down with 30 litre rucksacks, gallons of water to keep our unfit bodies from dehydrating, our take away sandwiches from the fabulous (or ‘fabalus’ as my Welsh friend Siân pronounces it) Pete’s Eats, our waterproof clothing and survival gear ‘just in case’. Apart from that is, Our Twirl who carries no rucksack, but has a little bun bag which we call Karriless, not Karrimor. To be fair, our Twirl is very very petite and the usual size rucksack is often longer in length than Twirl’s body – the rucksack becomes a little of a hindrance when scrambling up rocks and scree. John assures us, she has everything needed in the bun bag – medical kit ie plaster, rope ie a lace, survival bag ie one of those foil marathon type blankets, whistle and lipstick! : )
Prior to each walk, ‘the boys’ get out the map, discuss and debate the landscape and scale of the mountains and repeatedly inform us whether or not it’s a Diff (difficult), E Diff (extremely difficult), V Diff (very difficult) etc climb and then finally plot out the route of the day. They decide how many peaks we’re going to attempt and sort out all the escape routes, just in case the weather is too bad to carry on, or we’re too shattered or fall ill or injured in anyway.
Off we go, walking along, huffing and puffing, stopping for the occasional fag break, wondering why this mountain walking business is getting more and more difficult as we get older (and doing it less frequently by the way). Twirl, who doesn’t smoke and only carries a bun bag (which sometimes finds its way into John’s rucksack!!) springs along, bouncing from one rock and boulder to another and always, without exception, some massive cheery grin on her sweatless face.
I’m not bitter! : )
Myself, Hubby, Hubby’s best mate John and his wife Twirl (AKA Shirley) set off from the car park on the outskirts of Llanberis, laden down with 30 litre rucksacks, gallons of water to keep our unfit bodies from dehydrating, our take away sandwiches from the fabulous (or ‘fabalus’ as my Welsh friend Siân pronounces it) Pete’s Eats, our waterproof clothing and survival gear ‘just in case’. Apart from that is, Our Twirl who carries no rucksack, but has a little bun bag which we call Karriless, not Karrimor. To be fair, our Twirl is very very petite and the usual size rucksack is often longer in length than Twirl’s body – the rucksack becomes a little of a hindrance when scrambling up rocks and scree. John assures us, she has everything needed in the bun bag – medical kit ie plaster, rope ie a lace, survival bag ie one of those foil marathon type blankets, whistle and lipstick! : )
Prior to each walk, ‘the boys’ get out the map, discuss and debate the landscape and scale of the mountains and repeatedly inform us whether or not it’s a Diff (difficult), E Diff (extremely difficult), V Diff (very difficult) etc climb and then finally plot out the route of the day. They decide how many peaks we’re going to attempt and sort out all the escape routes, just in case the weather is too bad to carry on, or we’re too shattered or fall ill or injured in anyway.
Off we go, walking along, huffing and puffing, stopping for the occasional fag break, wondering why this mountain walking business is getting more and more difficult as we get older (and doing it less frequently by the way). Twirl, who doesn’t smoke and only carries a bun bag (which sometimes finds its way into John’s rucksack!!) springs along, bouncing from one rock and boulder to another and always, without exception, some massive cheery grin on her sweatless face.
I’m not bitter! : )
Saturday 17 March 2007
I Am Bothered - Tony Blair
Daisy Turnip writes.....
Back in August of last year, after 17 years of membership, I cancelled my direct debit to the Labour Party. I withdrew from party membership!! This was a big deal to me, but I am thoroughly fed up of Old Tone.
Last night, after watching him on Comic Relief, made me think for just one milli second that I might just rejoin! I’m fine now and the moment has passed, however, hats off to him – his legacy will be Red Nose Day, Friday 16th March!
If you didn’t watch it, click here and enjoy
Back in August of last year, after 17 years of membership, I cancelled my direct debit to the Labour Party. I withdrew from party membership!! This was a big deal to me, but I am thoroughly fed up of Old Tone.
Last night, after watching him on Comic Relief, made me think for just one milli second that I might just rejoin! I’m fine now and the moment has passed, however, hats off to him – his legacy will be Red Nose Day, Friday 16th March!
If you didn’t watch it, click here and enjoy
Thursday 15 March 2007
Teenage Exaggerations
Daughter had another driving lesson yesterday. The text, following the end of her lesson read, ‘brilliant lesson, he made me go 80 miles an hour’
Do you think I need to ‘have words’ with Mr Instructor or do you reckon daughter FEELS like she was driving at 80mph?!
Do you think I need to ‘have words’ with Mr Instructor or do you reckon daughter FEELS like she was driving at 80mph?!
Shake, Rattle and Freeze
I told myself that I will only ever be light hearted on this blog as I think there’s far too much doom and gloom in this world, however I kind of need to make an exception for this item (or kind of – light hearted stuff at the bottom!).For the last few years, my husband has arranged a Marie Curie street collection in our local market town. We start at 9.30 am (trust me, this is a major achievement for me on a Saturday morning) and do a 3 hour stint, standing there rattling our cans, staring at the shoppers with pleading eyes – you can’t even hint at people to give a donation – apparently it’s against the law!
Last Saturday was our annual shake, rattle and freeze for Marie Curie Cancer Research.
So there we stand for 3 hours collecting, in my opinion, for one of the best charities ever, Marie Curie Cancer Care. It’s probably true that the vast majority of people have at some point in their life, lost someone close to them due to cancer. Personally, over the last few years, my immediate family has lost to this evil and wicked disease an amazing Father, a truly fabulous God Father, a Grand Mother and a Grand Father and only too recently one of the most brilliant people I have ever met. So doing this year’s collection meant more than it usually does.
The number of people that donated and gave their story as to why they ‘only give to cancer charities’ was pretty amazing and sometimes incredibly sad. I am a bit of emotional person, and now remember to take my handy pack of tissues for such times!
Others, however, pretend not to notice you – although we were all wearing vibrant, fluorescent yellow jackets – and that’s fine too. Collectors and their charities, don’t expect people to donate lots of money – pennies are fine too, as they say, ‘every little helps’. Next time you see someone collecting for a charity, please don’t look at the can and think, ‘oh no, not people collecting again’ take a look at the cause they are collecting for and see if there’s a link to you and your life. If there is a link, just think twice before walking by and pretending you’ve not seen the volunteer – there is a reason for this form of collection – it helps continue the good work of their chosen charity.
And now, to the funnier parts of the collection………..
- For those that pretend not to notice me – I AM wearing a fluorescent yellow jacket, I AM shaking a can of change so incredibly loud I KNOW that everyone within a 50 meter vicinity CAN hear and see me.
- My hands nearly seized up whilst holding the box of daffodils and collecting can – I don’t function very well first thing in the morning and when I fell out of bed and looked out of the window to see a lovely sunny day, this somehow got interpreted in my brain as ‘oh, a summer day, no need for the winter woollies’ – yes, I was very wrong, it was freezing, you get to stand in one place whilst you’re collecting and you can’t jog up and down the street to keep yourself warm.
- You get to tell kids, it’s nearly Mothers Day and they can buy a flower for their Mom!
- My husband and I got to wear this incredibly bright yellow, oversized hat with Marie Curie and Yellow Pages printed all over it – fantastic conversation starter – it also kept your head warm! We only had the one hat and therefore had to fight over who wanted to look the biggest idiot yet at the same time be the warmest idiot. Whatever little street cred we had before we started the collection has most definitely gone now!! On the plus side, whoever got to wear the ‘stupid hat’ saw an immediate increase in their collection takings.
- We get to hand over 6 full collection cans for someone else to count and send off to Marie Curie (sorry, this is not the attitude, but last year we raised a lot of money and it takes a long long time to count up all that change)
Click here to see the flowers and THE hat - and if you’re feeling ‘the link’ donations can also be given on this site.
Sunday 11 March 2007
It's Tough Being on a Three Month Holiday!
Daisy Turnip writes.....
As you know my parents are still in sunny Spain, enjoying their 3 month break and increasing their love affair with the beloved balcony, ‘oh, it’s so hot here now, it’s so hot, we can’t even sit out on the balcony’ my mom informed me over the phone on Saturday afternoon. My heart bleeds!
Mom was taken ill on Friday and had to go to the doctors on Saturday. She’s now got to go for a scan on Wednesday. I’m sure Dad will now panicking about this, because a) Mom might not be very well and b) him being forever the pessimist, he will have in his head (although he won’t dare admit it or talk to mom about it) that the insurance might not cover the medical costs!
I’m worried that the medical staff might think Mom is weird! How to make friends and influence people eh!! Whilst waiting to see the doctor, my mom went to the English receptionist and asked, ‘He is a proper doctor isn’t he? He is like an English GP isn’t he?’ The receptionist informed my mom that he was indeed a ‘proper doctor’, she had nothing to worry about and all his certificates and qualifications were on the wall in his room. My Mom’s retort was, ‘Well you can buy all those qualification things off the internet now can’t you!’ Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!!
Mom informed me that Dad said he no longer wants to go to Spain on their annual 3 month holiday because ‘we are always ill, and it’s also like being in God’s waiting room – everyone is old!’ My interpretation of this is as follows:-
We’re always ill: -
a) Dad has had a bad back – he would have had this in the UK and it would probably have been worse with the cold in the UK
b) They’ve both had a cold – again, they would have had these in the UK and they would have been more miserable with them because they wouldn’t have been able to sit on the balcony with a box of tissues and Dad would have had to turn up the heating in the UK!!
c) They both caught a 24 hour bug – do we not have bugs in the UK anymore?
d) Dad had a hangover last week! OK, he wins this argument, the beer’s cheaper and Mom allows him to drink when they are on holiday
It’s like being in God’s waiting room: –
a) Yes Dad, that’s right – it’s because only the bloody retired can afford to go off on 3 months holiday in the sunshine during the coldest spell in the UK
b) Retired means you’re getting older, it doesn’t necessarily mean you are old!
As you know my parents are still in sunny Spain, enjoying their 3 month break and increasing their love affair with the beloved balcony, ‘oh, it’s so hot here now, it’s so hot, we can’t even sit out on the balcony’ my mom informed me over the phone on Saturday afternoon. My heart bleeds!
Mom was taken ill on Friday and had to go to the doctors on Saturday. She’s now got to go for a scan on Wednesday. I’m sure Dad will now panicking about this, because a) Mom might not be very well and b) him being forever the pessimist, he will have in his head (although he won’t dare admit it or talk to mom about it) that the insurance might not cover the medical costs!
I’m worried that the medical staff might think Mom is weird! How to make friends and influence people eh!! Whilst waiting to see the doctor, my mom went to the English receptionist and asked, ‘He is a proper doctor isn’t he? He is like an English GP isn’t he?’ The receptionist informed my mom that he was indeed a ‘proper doctor’, she had nothing to worry about and all his certificates and qualifications were on the wall in his room. My Mom’s retort was, ‘Well you can buy all those qualification things off the internet now can’t you!’ Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!!
Mom informed me that Dad said he no longer wants to go to Spain on their annual 3 month holiday because ‘we are always ill, and it’s also like being in God’s waiting room – everyone is old!’ My interpretation of this is as follows:-
We’re always ill: -
a) Dad has had a bad back – he would have had this in the UK and it would probably have been worse with the cold in the UK
b) They’ve both had a cold – again, they would have had these in the UK and they would have been more miserable with them because they wouldn’t have been able to sit on the balcony with a box of tissues and Dad would have had to turn up the heating in the UK!!
c) They both caught a 24 hour bug – do we not have bugs in the UK anymore?
d) Dad had a hangover last week! OK, he wins this argument, the beer’s cheaper and Mom allows him to drink when they are on holiday
It’s like being in God’s waiting room: –
a) Yes Dad, that’s right – it’s because only the bloody retired can afford to go off on 3 months holiday in the sunshine during the coldest spell in the UK
b) Retired means you’re getting older, it doesn’t necessarily mean you are old!
Wednesday 7 March 2007
Tailor King and Credit Cards
Daisy Turnip writes.....
Ever heard about the tailor king who comes to the UK from Hong Kong – my friend (Billy Bob – see below) has named him Mr Ting Tong - you meet him at an airport or some fancy swancy hotel, he then measures you from top to toe, goes away and makes you a hand made suit or shirt?
Husband has always been fascinated by this idea – him being fed up of buying off the shelf suits and shirts that don’t really fit properly. Well, shirts that fit you perfectly round the neck, but looks a little like a portal tent until tucked into your trousers!
I have a shameful confession to make – hubby reads The Telegraph!!! I kind of deal with this problem and believe that we balance ourselves out because I’m a faithful Gruniad reader! Anyway, last week the Telegraph advertised the fact that Mr Ting Tong was coming to a town not too far from us. Hubby got really excited and told me, ‘right, we’re going to this one. I’ve just turned 40, it’s time I treated myself to a hand made, properly fitted suit’. Thinking after 5 minutes, he’d forget all about it, I went, ‘yeah, ok sure’. Oh dear, he remembered!!
Early Sunday morning, we left our good friends home, after a bit of a heavy night and set off to the posh hotel not too far away. We arrived in time for his booked appointment and I, being in a bit of a hung over state, sat in the car, listening to the Archers watching the rain on the windscreen, thinking, ‘why oh why are we here? I need my bed’
It’s at this point I need to tell you about my hubby and his attitude to credit cards – according to him, you don’t need one! If you can’t afford it, don’t buy it! Simple? I on the other hand don’t quite have this idealized view on life – if you need it and want it, go for it. Anyway, hubby’s previous job took him all round Europe and I always worried about him not having a credit card of his own, if he had an emergency, what would he do? Me being such a loving wife, one day handed him a credit card (on my account) and told him, ‘look, humor me, just put it in your wallet – you never know you might need it’. He assured me, he wouldn’t need it. I then forgot about it, until on a very infrequent occasion I decided to check my bank statements etc and noticed a payment going out to a well known credit card company – it was HIS credit card. Hypocrite - £224! It was an emergency he said! ‘Yeah, sure hubby’. It turned out to be a new watch!!! And so, back to the story.
So there I was, sitting listening to the Archers and my mobile rang – it was hubby calling to tell me that Mr Ting Tong didn't take Maestro cards (his normal bank debit card) and requesting if he could I put it on ‘the’ ie my credit card - I took great delight, I mean, pity in saying, 'Sorry, there's only a £500 limit on it and half of it you've already used FOR NON EMERGENCIES!!!'
Twenty five minutes later and nearly 500 quid lighter, hubby turned up with a smile on his face – ‘It’s ordered!!’ He’d paid up front and was told that goods would arrive in 6 - 8 weeks time - if he wasn't happy with the fit, to come back to the next event towards the end of May!!! He believed them and felt perfectly happy handing over that amount of dosh, to only take receipt of a dodgy receipt!!!!
‘How did you pay if they didn’t accept Maestro cards’ I asked, ‘Oh, if was fine, they arranged for me to pay it off of Mr Ting Tong's hotel bill’!!!
You really, couldn't make this stuff up could you?
He really is a total optimist – come back in 8 weeks time, and I’ll give you an update then!
Ever heard about the tailor king who comes to the UK from Hong Kong – my friend (Billy Bob – see below) has named him Mr Ting Tong - you meet him at an airport or some fancy swancy hotel, he then measures you from top to toe, goes away and makes you a hand made suit or shirt?
Husband has always been fascinated by this idea – him being fed up of buying off the shelf suits and shirts that don’t really fit properly. Well, shirts that fit you perfectly round the neck, but looks a little like a portal tent until tucked into your trousers!
I have a shameful confession to make – hubby reads The Telegraph!!! I kind of deal with this problem and believe that we balance ourselves out because I’m a faithful Gruniad reader! Anyway, last week the Telegraph advertised the fact that Mr Ting Tong was coming to a town not too far from us. Hubby got really excited and told me, ‘right, we’re going to this one. I’ve just turned 40, it’s time I treated myself to a hand made, properly fitted suit’. Thinking after 5 minutes, he’d forget all about it, I went, ‘yeah, ok sure’. Oh dear, he remembered!!
Early Sunday morning, we left our good friends home, after a bit of a heavy night and set off to the posh hotel not too far away. We arrived in time for his booked appointment and I, being in a bit of a hung over state, sat in the car, listening to the Archers watching the rain on the windscreen, thinking, ‘why oh why are we here? I need my bed’
It’s at this point I need to tell you about my hubby and his attitude to credit cards – according to him, you don’t need one! If you can’t afford it, don’t buy it! Simple? I on the other hand don’t quite have this idealized view on life – if you need it and want it, go for it. Anyway, hubby’s previous job took him all round Europe and I always worried about him not having a credit card of his own, if he had an emergency, what would he do? Me being such a loving wife, one day handed him a credit card (on my account) and told him, ‘look, humor me, just put it in your wallet – you never know you might need it’. He assured me, he wouldn’t need it. I then forgot about it, until on a very infrequent occasion I decided to check my bank statements etc and noticed a payment going out to a well known credit card company – it was HIS credit card. Hypocrite - £224! It was an emergency he said! ‘Yeah, sure hubby’. It turned out to be a new watch!!! And so, back to the story.
So there I was, sitting listening to the Archers and my mobile rang – it was hubby calling to tell me that Mr Ting Tong didn't take Maestro cards (his normal bank debit card) and requesting if he could I put it on ‘the’ ie my credit card - I took great delight, I mean, pity in saying, 'Sorry, there's only a £500 limit on it and half of it you've already used FOR NON EMERGENCIES!!!'
Twenty five minutes later and nearly 500 quid lighter, hubby turned up with a smile on his face – ‘It’s ordered!!’ He’d paid up front and was told that goods would arrive in 6 - 8 weeks time - if he wasn't happy with the fit, to come back to the next event towards the end of May!!! He believed them and felt perfectly happy handing over that amount of dosh, to only take receipt of a dodgy receipt!!!!
‘How did you pay if they didn’t accept Maestro cards’ I asked, ‘Oh, if was fine, they arranged for me to pay it off of Mr Ting Tong's hotel bill’!!!
You really, couldn't make this stuff up could you?
He really is a total optimist – come back in 8 weeks time, and I’ll give you an update then!
Thursday 1 March 2007
Daughter’s Driving Miss Daisy Crazy
Daisy Turnip writes.....
Daughter had her third driving lesson yesterday. I received a text after she’d finished saying ‘Was a night mare. Nearly started cryin xxx’
She came home later on, still quite upset about how badly the lesson had gone. In a motherly, comforting way I put my arm around her and said, “don’t go getting yourself upset, you’ll have good lessons and bad lessons – it’s perfectly normal, don’t worry about it’.
She told me she thinks she’ll never be able to drive and that she might as well give it up now! (Oh woe is me!!)
9.05 this morning I received a text from her, ‘Found lovely car. 2,390 1.0i x reg. Silver new corsa. Very cheap. Its on auto trader. Xx’
Fickle or what?
Daughter had her third driving lesson yesterday. I received a text after she’d finished saying ‘Was a night mare. Nearly started cryin xxx’
She came home later on, still quite upset about how badly the lesson had gone. In a motherly, comforting way I put my arm around her and said, “don’t go getting yourself upset, you’ll have good lessons and bad lessons – it’s perfectly normal, don’t worry about it’.
She told me she thinks she’ll never be able to drive and that she might as well give it up now! (Oh woe is me!!)
9.05 this morning I received a text from her, ‘Found lovely car. 2,390 1.0i x reg. Silver new corsa. Very cheap. Its on auto trader. Xx’
Fickle or what?
Battle of the Blogs - Wife in the North v’s Strife in the North
Daisy Turnip writes.....
Since hearing about it on Radio 2, I’ve been reading the Wife in the North blog (the woman that secured a £70k book deal from her blog). I've just tumbled across a blog called Strife in the North – a very very funny rip off of the original. Some people have just far too much time on their hands!!
Take a visit, they are both well worth the trip 'upt north.
Which one gets your vote?
Since hearing about it on Radio 2, I’ve been reading the Wife in the North blog (the woman that secured a £70k book deal from her blog). I've just tumbled across a blog called Strife in the North – a very very funny rip off of the original. Some people have just far too much time on their hands!!
Take a visit, they are both well worth the trip 'upt north.
Which one gets your vote?
Am I Missing Something Here?
Daisy Turnip writes.....
I was recently in a meeting with 5 IT Managers. One of them asked for a copy of my slides. I handed over my memory stick. Not one of them could work out how to use it!!
Huh!?
I was recently in a meeting with 5 IT Managers. One of them asked for a copy of my slides. I handed over my memory stick. Not one of them could work out how to use it!!
Huh!?
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