Virgin Twitcher

Daisy Turnip writes.....

And so the day arrived when we were to go twitching. I walked into the kitchen and heard Hubby say, ‘She’s up early because we are going bird watching today’. Yes, I saw his raised eyebrow and the smirk on Daughter’s face!!

We sorted out the day’s provisions, put on our fleeces, walking boots, grabbed a couple of pairs of binoculars and put our raincoats in the boot and set off down the M40 for our first virgin twitching trip to Otmoor Nature Reserve .

On our way there I asked Hubby if he thought there was a twitcher etiquette we should know about. We assumed it would be a common sense approach of no mobiles and to be quiet at all times. Simple?

We arrived in the village of Otmoor and found the car park at the end of a single track road. As soon as we got out of the car all you could hear was peace perfect peace and the sound of singing birds – an entire orchestra of them by the sound of it, it was amazing just how many birds we could hear. It was a bit ‘nippy’ and it looked a little grey overhead so we also put on our waterproofs. Etiquette rule number one broken!! Bright red Berghaus coats are obviously not the thing to wear when you are twitching! Well, yes, of course, it does seem obvious now, but first thing this morning, I really didn’t think about it. Everyone we saw at the reserve wore muted greens and browns! Throughout the entire day, we were the only people I saw wearing BRIGHT RED! And although everyone responded to our, ‘good morning’ and ‘afternoon’ greetings, they all seemed to be telepathically screaming, ‘WHAT’S WITH THE RED?’ It could have been our paranoia, but we sensed the feeling that the professional twitchers didn’t approve. (Mental note, wear camouflage paintball gear next time)

As we left the car part, for a split second I thought the BBC was filming for Nature Watch. People – and there were quite a few – were carrying around these huge tripods with ‘things’ on top of them. Hubby, AKA Encyclopaedia Britannica, informed me the kit is called a spotter scope – click here if you want to see what they are. You have to admit, it does look a little like a microphone that they use when filming?!?! When we go walking, our rucksacks are a little cumbersome, but these tripods were HUGE and people were carrying them round the entire nature reserve! I felt a little pathetic when I compared them to our little hand sized binoculars.

Hubby has only very very mildly ridiculed me about wanting to go bird watching. I did wonder why he hadn’t issued full scale ‘p’ take on me. However, as we made our way round the reserve he pointed out the following - swan, tern, lapwing, mallard, teal, coot, moorhen, buzzard, kestrel, pheasant, mute swan, heron and grasshopper warbler. Do you think he’s possibly a closet twitcher, now finally unleashed because his wife wants to go watch birds? He informed me ‘NOT!’

The highlight of my day was the ‘battle of the buzzard’. The buzzard was looking for food and kept swooping down to the ground searching for nests and chicks. Then, out of nowhere several lapwings appeared and started to attack the buzzard – they looked like WW2 fighter planes battling in the sky. It was really amazing. I never thought another bird would try and attack a buzzard, even if it was to protect their chicks. On this occasion the lapwings won, the buzzard left without a catch.

The weird point of the day was being laughed at by teenagers!!! I guess they’d been dragged out for the day by their Mother and they didn’t look particularly keen on being there, but I was seriously impressed that a mother could get 3 teenagers out into a nature reserve!! We were walking up as they were walking back and knowing teenage daughters, I immediately spotted THAT look on each face as they glanced us up and down and checked out the binoculars we were both carrying. The hand went over each mouth as they started to talk about us. I see THAT look and FEEL that teenage aura every day! As we were passing each other, I saw their lips go taut and their eyes begin to bulge as they desperately tried not to laugh. As we passed, we then heard the tittering!

It did make us laugh, but I wasn’t quite sure what to think. Being laughed at when we go mountain walking - for having a plastic map cover ‘thingy’ hanging from my neck, rucksack and gaiters etc - I can happily deal with that and frequently think, ‘you have absolutely NO idea what you are missing’. But, on the twitching score, we hadn’t seen the buzzard yet so I had no ‘wow factor’ in order for me to make a mental retort to them. To be honest, I was still trying to work out for myself why were we there!

The most comical part of the day’s adventure was when we sat behind a viewing screen which was located at the head of a pond. It wasn’t majorly busy on the pond front, however there were quite a few birds having a swim around. And right in front of the screen was a swan, and for the next 20 minutes we sat and watched as it dived for food on the bottom of the pond. Etiquette rule number two – don’t laugh at the birds, especially if you’re wearing a bright red coat. Luckily, there were no other twitchers around, but it was very comical – 20 minutes of bottom watching, with the odd flip of his feet!

And so, the virgin twitching experience was over. We got back in the car, ready to drive home. As we pulled off, Hubby said, ‘You just made me walk 2.8 miles to look, in detail, at a swan’s backside!’

What happened to the party girl?

Daisy Turnip writes.....

Tonight I sent an email to my dear old friend Tilley - not old as in she’s old – well not THAT old, but a friend who I’ve known for a very long time. In fact, she was a good friend of mine who I used to regularly go clubbing with on a Friday night – in fact, any night of the week, when we had nothing to do, had both the cash and the energy to show Wolverhampton night life what top and enthusiastic party goers we both were. Deary me, I could seriously party!

At the end of the email I wrote the following:-

“btw, we're off to the Oxford bird sanctuary at the weekend (although I've yet to tell David) as I’ve received 2 free tickets from my RSPB membership - f'ing hell (excuse my French), I sound like such an oldie!! Am going to go slap myself now coz I know I need to get a life ) what happened to Friday nights, the dance floor calling, head down and a bottle of bud in each hand?? :-)”

I need to share with you the fact that I have many photos of me with a bottle of bud in EACH hand, dancing away in oblivion of the outside world. I liked my little dance ‘bubble’ world that I used to frequent on a regular basis!!

I sent the email smirking to myself, thinking about our clubbing days (or nights as the case may be), and all the fun we had and then I suddenly thought OH MY GOD, what happened to party girl – she’s now a bird twitcher!!

Should I be worried?

Never ask a man for directions

Daisy Turnip writes.....

The man at the BBC sent me this

1. go to www.google.com
2. click on "maps"
3. click on "get directions"
4. type "New York" in the first box (the "from" box)
5. type "London" in the second box (the "to" box)
6. click on "get directions"
7. scroll down to step #23

I'd love to be eight again

Daisy Turnip writes.....

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. I'd love to be eight again" she replied. On the morning of her birthday he arose early, made her a nice big Bowl of Coco-Pops and then took her off to the local theme park. What a Day!
He put her on every ride in the park:

* The Death Slide
* The Wall of Fear
* The Screaming Monster Roller Coaster

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

Right away they journeyed to a McDonalds where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate milk-shake.

Then it was off to the movies: the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog, pop-corn, all the coke she could drink, her favourite lolly and M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed onto the bed exhausted. He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked "Well dear, what was it like being eight again?"

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed..."I meant my dress size, you idiot” The moral of this story: -

Even when a man IS listening, he's still gonna get it wrong.

Pardon?

Daisy Turnip writes.....

On Monday morning Hubby woke up and was completely deaf in one ear. This obviously scared him a lot as he went to work and rang for an appointment once he got there! Yes, if it was me, I’d have been sitting on the doctor’s door step, waiting for them to open up for the day..

He got an appointment for later that day and went along to see the doctor. By this point, a little of his hearing had returned. He told the doctor what was wrong and gave him some terminology regarding the frequency and decibel range he was hearing. The terminology was very impressive but confused the hell out of me. The doctor must have been impressed too as he asked Hubby, “Oh, are you in medicine too?” “No” came Hubby’s reply, “engineering!”

The following day Hubby went back to work and as he walked into the office, one of his colleagues asked if he could hear today? Hubby’s reply was “Yes, I’m in the office most days this week!” Hmm, I think perhaps he should take the prescription given to him by the doc!

Ting Tong Miracle

Daisy Turnip writes.....

Yay, miracles do happen. The suit has just arrived! I’m very impressed with it too, although I’ve yet to see it on Hubby. Let’s just hope it fits!

I take it all back - he wasn't mad at all!

KFC’s a Killer!!

Daisy Turnip writes.....

At the weekend my daughter works at KFC. To be fair the money is not too bad for a 17 year old, especially as it tops up the allowance we give her on a monthly basis while she is studying at college.

Her hourly rate is higher than a good friend of mine earns, working in a very well known fashion high street chain shop – this fact delights my daughter, yet mortifies my friend who is 38 years old and has 3 kids!! But at least when she comes home at the end of the day, she doesn’t smell of chicken and fat!!

So the pain of being such a fashion victim drives my daughter to work at KFC – she goes through money like water, and knows we are not going to subsidise her weekly purchases of makeup, jewellery, hair extensions, several pairs of shoes, a few tops here and there and goodness knows how many jeans this child buys on a far too regular basis.

Her working is a great motivator for her to study hard. She sometimes complains her course is difficult, it’s not what she thought it was going to be and ‘I’m not sure I want to continue’ she frequently tells me. My standard response is, that’s fine, don’t do it if it’s not what you want to do, but you need to sort out an alternative course or a job with decent prospects. When she moans, I ask her if she wants to work at KFC on a full time basis – naff shifts, incredibly hot kitchens, long days, standing on your feet all day, smelling of fat etc etc. Her standard response is, ‘No thanks, it nearly kills me working there!’ Back to college tomorrow! : )

Oldtimers!

Daisy Turnip writes.....

On Wednesday I walked into the lounge and saw the answer phone light flashing away. The message was from my mother, asking me to give her a call. It was 2 hours after she’d left the original message and I called her - she couldn’t remember what she wanted.

Later on that day, I saw a missed call on my mobile from dear Hubby. I rang him and asked what he wanted. He couldn’t remember what he wanted!

I spoke to my Mom again yesterday, she still couldn’t remember what she wanted.

Hubby now doesn’t even remember calling me!

It’s really bothering me, what they wanted me for!! Moral of the story – make sure you carry all landline and mobile phones around with you AT ALL TIMES!!

I wish it had been the spider or the poo!

Daisy Turnip writes.....

Yesterday, I was driving along, daughter at my side who was chatting away incessantly. She suddenly stopped talking, grabbed my hair and shouted, ‘Oh my God mom!’ Her reaction told me I had either a spider or bird poo in my hair!

‘You’ve got grey hair!’

‘Would you like to walk home dear?"

Car Insurance - Trauma 2

Daisy Turnip writes.....

My car insurance renewal quote is £400.13. This quote is for fully comprehensive cover plus business use for both myself and hubby.

Knowing that my daughter would benefit greatly if she could have additional driving lessons to the 1 ½ hours a week she currently has with ‘Steve the professional driving instructor’ I asked what it would cost to include my 17 year old daughter who is a learner driver. I then began to panic a little, thinking, ‘if it’s not too expensive, I’m going to have to add her to the policy, but that would mean I have to take her out on a driving lesson!!’ Oh no, I had a flash back to the time my Dad was trying to teach me to drive - him holding on for dear life to the hand brake as I drove along oblivious to the dangers of the road. Dad would make me drive round ‘the block’ - about 1 ½ miles - and every time we got back to our house, he’d make me stop the car and he’d run in for a wee!!! Poor guy, but top Dad!

Anyway, the quote was £2334!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Trauma over!