It's Tough Being on a Three Month Holiday!

Daisy Turnip writes.....

As you know my parents are still in sunny Spain, enjoying their 3 month break and increasing their love affair with the beloved balcony, ‘oh, it’s so hot here now, it’s so hot, we can’t even sit out on the balcony’ my mom informed me over the phone on Saturday afternoon. My heart bleeds!

Mom was taken ill on Friday and had to go to the doctors on Saturday. She’s now got to go for a scan on Wednesday. I’m sure Dad will now panicking about this, because a) Mom might not be very well and b) him being forever the pessimist, he will have in his head (although he won’t dare admit it or talk to mom about it) that the insurance might not cover the medical costs!

I’m worried that the medical staff might think Mom is weird! How to make friends and influence people eh!! Whilst waiting to see the doctor, my mom went to the English receptionist and asked, ‘He is a proper doctor isn’t he? He is like an English GP isn’t he?’ The receptionist informed my mom that he was indeed a ‘proper doctor’, she had nothing to worry about and all his certificates and qualifications were on the wall in his room. My Mom’s retort was, ‘Well you can buy all those qualification things off the internet now can’t you!’ Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!!

Mom informed me that Dad said he no longer wants to go to Spain on their annual 3 month holiday because ‘we are always ill, and it’s also like being in God’s waiting room – everyone is old!’ My interpretation of this is as follows:-

We’re always ill: -
a) Dad has had a bad back – he would have had this in the UK and it would probably have been worse with the cold in the UK

b) They’ve both had a cold – again, they would have had these in the UK and they would have been more miserable with them because they wouldn’t have been able to sit on the balcony with a box of tissues and Dad would have had to turn up the heating in the UK!!

c) They both caught a 24 hour bug – do we not have bugs in the UK anymore?

d) Dad had a hangover last week! OK, he wins this argument, the beer’s cheaper and Mom allows him to drink when they are on holiday

It’s like being in God’s waiting room: –

a) Yes Dad, that’s right – it’s because only the bloody retired can afford to go off on 3 months holiday in the sunshine during the coldest spell in the UK

b) Retired means you’re getting older, it doesn’t necessarily mean you are old!

Parents Holiday On Holiday

Last night, I received a text from my parents who are currently sunning themselves on a 3 month trip to Spain. It read, 'booked train 2 corboda and 3 nite in hotel - bit of a holiday xx' - bloody hell, they are having a mini break on their holiday!

Can't wait until I retire!

Retired Parents in Spain and their Beloved Balcony !!!

For the last 6 years, between the months of January and March, my parents have jetted off to the warmer climes of Nerja in sunny Spain. They go just after the Christmas holiday and return for the onset of Spring. “It’s too cold and depressing to stay in the UK during these months,” my Mom frequently tells me. Yeah, that cheers me up Mother, knowing I have to stay here with this miserable British winter weather. Thanks for that!

Now I’m not saying my Dad is financially challenged but if I tell you he describes himself as ‘careful’ with money, I think you’ll get ‘my drift’. He doesn’t really like paying for holidays and I’m sure he only agrees to go away because my Mom would make his life insufferable if he didn’t. However by going away for 3 months (usually the 3 coldest months of the year) he gets to switch the central heating off while they are away!!! Their kindly neighbour, who house watches while they are away, then spends the next 3 months, doing ‘run the house / gauntlet challenge’. She is petrified to leave the village and spends her time dashing round to my parent’s house every time she hears the weather man mention the word ‘freezing’. She puts the heating on “just in case the pipes burst”. Upon their return, Dad can never quite understand why the gas bill isn’t as low as he thought it would be!!

I digress. Each year, when they get back my Father moans about the amount of money they have spent on their mobile phone. I think I’ve got to the bottom of their incredibly high mobile phone charges……….

Everyday, when the weather is good, which is the case, most days in Nerja, they get to sit on the balcony of their apartment which overlooks the sea, and they eat and drink and generally watch the world go by. Every time, and I do not exaggerate this, every time they sit down on the balcony, they send me a text saying, ‘weather fab, having breakfast / lunch / dinner / supper / drinks on the balcony. Wish you were here’. They’re about half way through their holiday now and last night, I again, received a text, telling me about the balcony. Then my phone bleeped, telling me my phone memory was nearly full and I needed to clear out some texts! Never! 130 texts were in my in-boX!!!! 120 of them were from my parents telling me about the balcony!!! It’s always the same text message – they must have worked out how to do a ‘Nokia balcony template’.

Last week, my sister went out to see them, spend some time with them and catch some Spanish rays. The day before she left I spoke to her on the phone and said, “just please don’t send me a text, telling me about the balcony!” She assured me, she had no intention of sending such texts. It must be something in the water or the sangria – she too is now texting me, telling me all about the balcony!!!!

When they get back home, the camcorder will be brought out – if it’s anything like last year, it’ll be 6 hours footage of the sea and the road by their apartment. All shots will have been taken from......................... yes, you’ve guessed it - from the balcony!!!!

I can’t wait until I’m retired!